Nervous.

Today is a time in my life that I wish I could write poetry.

I wish that I could express in words how I am feeling this evening.

but I can't.

I made an offer yesterday on a house. For a day and a half now, I have been preoccupied with what I have gotten myself into. It isn't just the fact that I decided on one house - that maybe it isn't the best house or the most good looking house, or the best bargain. Though, that is a lot of the worry.

I signed a sheet of paper today with the monthly cost of my mortgage. It ends when I am 53 years old. I will be paying for this house (theoretically) until I am almost old enough to retire.

I am buying a house with the approach that I do with if I'll date someone. Does it have the qualities I am looking for in a match? will I get bored with it after a short amount of time? I can't return it with the receipt. will my parents like it? will my friends like it? but most importantly, will I like it?

It is a huge move for me. I added up how much my monthly payments will be. I need a roomate. I was planning on just having one, but it might be better to have two. At least, as long as I can stand it.

my mind is spinning. and I can't make it stop.